My big fat Greek project meeting

Hellas! I would now like to proclaim my deepest sympathy to all vegetarians who are in Greece at the moment - and sorry for getting on your nerves with this topic once more, won't ever happen again, I promise...

The Greek word for vegetarian (χορτοφάγοσ) means “green eater”, the “green” part can also be translated as “grass”, “weeds”, “vegetable” and “lawn”. If I had to name a place with even less comprehension for the I-do-not-eat-dead-animals concept than Spain, it would be definitely be Greece. This is not the only similarity between the two nations: the languages sound very similar (something that does not stop confusing me when I listen to a conversation, convinced I should understand something – and being absolutely clueless), the equally loud volume of conversation, the great enthusiasm for soccer, children living at their parents’ place until they marry (and mom then being offended that she cannot spoil them any more), most of the daily life takes place outdoors – except for the nap after lunch – every summer there are a couple of severe bush fires, and they even speak English with the very same accent. Plus, there's a general understanding that a plate without fish or meat cannot possibly soothe any kind of hunger and thus under no circumstances be considered a meal. Well, this was my first impression after the (much too short) five days I spent in Thessaloniki for a work package meeting of my EU funded project.

But back to the food. You might think there’s no vegetarian food in Greece - you're absolutely wrong! Ironically there is so much and delicious food without any fish or meat that my mouth spontaneously starts watering and my pants feel a tiny bit too tight every time I think of it. It's merely the definition of “no meat and no fish” that every once in a while leads to confusion, as shown in a typical scene of the (hilarious!) movie “My big fat Greek wedding”:

- “But, aunt Voula, Ian is a vegetarian, he does not eat meat.” – “What do you mean, he don’t eat no meat? ... [everyone in the room stares at her, shocked]… Oh, no problem, then I make lamb.“

Immediately after arriving at our 5 star beach ressort and spa (with its own yacht marina) on the Chalkidiki peninsula we had lunch; due to the financial crisis the menu had been reduced to only three courses. Yes, the EU has to tighten its (and its researchers’) belt. Our Greek coordinator, Katerina, had already mentioned the presence of a German vegetarian to the chief waiter and that Wendy from Maastricht was allergic to pork. No problem, replied the waiter in perfect English, lunch is 100% vegetarian anyway. Surprised by this announcement (and, I admit, a bit skeptical), I inquired for the details. The first course would be a salad with meatballs, followed by fried turkey breast and vegetables, then dessert and coffee. Ok. Hesitatingly I asked for a meatball free salad and a vegetable plate without turkey. To soothe the waiter’s concern about my persisting hunger, I suggested the turkey to be replaced by e.g. potatoes and sauce. No problem at all, lunch was perfect, 100% vegetarian and very tasty.

When Wendy and I entered the dinner hall later that day wearing T-Shirt, shorts and flip flops (by the way, Wendy’s supervisor was wearing the same outfit and spontaneously sent back to his room to change into suit and tie), our favorite waiter greeted us with a beaming smile on his face and proudly announced that dinner would be 100% vegetarian: a seafood salad followed by fish and, like before, dessert and coffee. His answer to my puzzled expression was: “You do eat fish, don’t you? Fish is no meat. Fish is 100% vegetarian. All vegetarians eat fish.“ I gave up, nodded and ate fish. It tasted rather fishy, but not as bad that it couldn’t be taken care of with some bigger amount of outstanding Greek white wine. In order not to waste any more tasty food, I peeled the three giant shrimps and auctioned them off at my end of the table for some extra dessert.

The next day during lunch – 100% vegetarian, just in case you were wondering – I wasn’t even asked any more whether or not I ate salmon. Apart from the already mentioned fishy taste it was pretty good. Our Greek coordinator frowned, asked since when I ate fish – hm, since yesterday’s dinner? – and could barely be stopped from getting the waiter into some big loud Greek 100% vegetarian trouble.

In the evening after our return to Thessaloniki I treated myself to a kilogram of 100% vegetarian cherries (worm free!), a 100% vegetarian roasted salty corn cob, and a 100% vegetarian Greek dessert. And, of course, to a 100% vegetarian ice cold Greek frappé – the world’s best coffee.

Next weekend, I’ll have a 100% vegetarian lunch at a Spanish wedding – with fish as the second course. And now will you please excuse me, I have to drink some ouzo, dance a sirtaki, eat my 100% vegetarian meal consisting of meatball stuffed lamb cordon bleu, a salmon shrimp cocktail, and a chicken salad on the side, and send a care package of tofu gyros to my fellow martyrs in Greece.