For almost 13 years now I have not eaten either meat or fish; it all started out with a pretty stupid bet with my sister. Meanwhile, more than anything else, I simply got used to it. During the rare occasions where I (accidentally or out of politeness or laziness) ingested meat, it mainly tasted salty, but was not able to significantly improve the overall impression of the respective meals. After all, there is no convincing reason to purposely start eating meat or fish again, as long as my personal vampires provide me with iron pills after the blood donations to increase my record low hematocrit values (never without adding “Oh, dear, still vegetarian?”).
Every once in a while I embark in the difficult (and tiresome) mission to explain and repeat to people (mainly of Spanish origin), how and why a person can voluntarily and without any medical or obvious reason abstain from such delicious, healthy, tasty and important nutrients like chorizo, bacon, ham, fish, brats, schnitzel and steak, even though one just LOVED it as a teenager. Arguments like mad cow disease, porcine and poultry pest, avian and porcine flu, scrapies, cloned cows and high levels of antibiotics in meat and PCBs or heavy metals in fish have become old and boring – after all, convincing counter arguments exist: pesticides, genetically manipulated vegetables, and tasteless tofu (tasteless but for the sauce it is fried in) whose fabrication procedure and ingredients no one really wants to know.
On the get together evening of the Goslar conference finger food was served. The vegetarian contribution to the first load, grapes and cheese cubes on toothpicks or sliced vegetables in yoghurt dip, was approximately 10% of the total amount of food and disappeared within seconds (I somehow managed to get three pieces of each). The vegetarian share of the second load was 15 chips with one tablespoon of salsa – which I made disappear in record-breaking time. All that remained were sausages, fish, mini schnitzels, meatballs and pork loin. And my stomach making grumpy noises that were almost louder than Prof. Eisenmenger from Munich telling anecdotes from his 30+ years as a medical examiner. Politeness and general interest in his stories quickly discarded the go-out-and-have-a-quick-vegetarian-kebap-option and left me in a catch-22 situation: stay hungry or eat meat (judged by their looks, fish and sausages were not really an option). After the next demanding roar from my stomach I courageously grabbed a piece of pork loin. It tasted just like I remembered it. Only a bit saltier. After the fourth piece my stomach finally calmed down, and a slightly nauseous feeling made me decide to stop the meat feast immediately and for the time being.
The next challenge came with my vacation and the flight to Iowa, where shortly before landing in Chicago the tasty United Airlines breakfast was announced. With a spontaneous cramp my stomach reminded me of the oily and incredibly sweet donut I had been served last time. But surprisingly UA had decided to switch to a healthier breakfast: a chocolate bar, a package of potato chips, and a spongy bread roll with a slice of cheese and a slice of what could have been cooked ham wrapped in plastic. Yummie! I mentioned to the friendly flight assistant that I had ordered a vegetarian meal – and the bread roll was immediately replaced by a second package of chips. While I still asked myself whether or not it would have been better to simply remove the slice of ham from the bread roll, my seat neighbor discovered that the bread roll had been packed on February, 18th, and we wondered which exotic places it might have traveled in the past six weeks. Just a little later she noticed that the bread roll package also said “best before 09/2009” – and was really happy she got it in april and not in august. Thanks, United! On my return flight Lufthansa served me a lactose-free dinner: chicken with rice, instead of pasta with tomato sauce like for all other passengers. Dear Lufthansa, the terms “ovo-lacto vegetarian” and “lactose-free” do have different meanings, go look it up. After a short complaint and explanation the chicken was replaced. Thanks, Lufthansa, great job!
In Iowa Tomasz told me that one kilogram of pork could, by adding brine and spices to cover the watery taste, miraculously be converted into up to seven kilograms of ham. Thanks a lot, Tomasz, for providing me with another convincing argument to not change my habit of refraining from meat!
And now will you please excuse me, my next meal is wilting.
Every once in a while I embark in the difficult (and tiresome) mission to explain and repeat to people (mainly of Spanish origin), how and why a person can voluntarily and without any medical or obvious reason abstain from such delicious, healthy, tasty and important nutrients like chorizo, bacon, ham, fish, brats, schnitzel and steak, even though one just LOVED it as a teenager. Arguments like mad cow disease, porcine and poultry pest, avian and porcine flu, scrapies, cloned cows and high levels of antibiotics in meat and PCBs or heavy metals in fish have become old and boring – after all, convincing counter arguments exist: pesticides, genetically manipulated vegetables, and tasteless tofu (tasteless but for the sauce it is fried in) whose fabrication procedure and ingredients no one really wants to know.
On the get together evening of the Goslar conference finger food was served. The vegetarian contribution to the first load, grapes and cheese cubes on toothpicks or sliced vegetables in yoghurt dip, was approximately 10% of the total amount of food and disappeared within seconds (I somehow managed to get three pieces of each). The vegetarian share of the second load was 15 chips with one tablespoon of salsa – which I made disappear in record-breaking time. All that remained were sausages, fish, mini schnitzels, meatballs and pork loin. And my stomach making grumpy noises that were almost louder than Prof. Eisenmenger from Munich telling anecdotes from his 30+ years as a medical examiner. Politeness and general interest in his stories quickly discarded the go-out-and-have-a-quick-vegetarian-kebap-option and left me in a catch-22 situation: stay hungry or eat meat (judged by their looks, fish and sausages were not really an option). After the next demanding roar from my stomach I courageously grabbed a piece of pork loin. It tasted just like I remembered it. Only a bit saltier. After the fourth piece my stomach finally calmed down, and a slightly nauseous feeling made me decide to stop the meat feast immediately and for the time being.The next challenge came with my vacation and the flight to Iowa, where shortly before landing in Chicago the tasty United Airlines breakfast was announced. With a spontaneous cramp my stomach reminded me of the oily and incredibly sweet donut I had been served last time. But surprisingly UA had decided to switch to a healthier breakfast: a chocolate bar, a package of potato chips, and a spongy bread roll with a slice of cheese and a slice of what could have been cooked ham wrapped in plastic. Yummie! I mentioned to the friendly flight assistant that I had ordered a vegetarian meal – and the bread roll was immediately replaced by a second package of chips. While I still asked myself whether or not it would have been better to simply remove the slice of ham from the bread roll, my seat neighbor discovered that the bread roll had been packed on February, 18th, and we wondered which exotic places it might have traveled in the past six weeks. Just a little later she noticed that the bread roll package also said “best before 09/2009” – and was really happy she got it in april and not in august. Thanks, United! On my return flight Lufthansa served me a lactose-free dinner: chicken with rice, instead of pasta with tomato sauce like for all other passengers. Dear Lufthansa, the terms “ovo-lacto vegetarian” and “lactose-free” do have different meanings, go look it up. After a short complaint and explanation the chicken was replaced. Thanks, Lufthansa, great job!
In Iowa Tomasz told me that one kilogram of pork could, by adding brine and spices to cover the watery taste, miraculously be converted into up to seven kilograms of ham. Thanks a lot, Tomasz, for providing me with another convincing argument to not change my habit of refraining from meat!
And now will you please excuse me, my next meal is wilting.
The German text on the picture translates to "Vegetarians protect the climate" - and the guy belongs to the German hip-hop group Die Fantastischen Vier (The Fantastic Four).
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