Last Friday every employee of the Heidelberg University Clinics received a letter (a real paper letter, not an electronic one) from the hospital administration. It briefly said that due to the potential involvement of another state hospital into a scandal, our hospital administration wanted to make a firm statement that doping is illegal. This includes, but is not limited to, self-administration as well as administration to others, be it knowingly or unknowingly, etc. etc. Furthermore, we are not supposed to take bribes.
And what do I read in the last edition of the newspaper Der Spiegel? Two million Germans work under the influence, 800,000 of them even regularly (article in German). And we’re not talking about peanuts like coffee, vitamin pills and cigarettes here. No, no, the real stuff. Antidepressants, prescription medication, illegal drugs and other substances to increase concentration and efficiency. I am shocked.
For years the police has been bringing us blood and serum samples for analysis, many a time attorneys call to say it’s urgent. Every once in a while they bring plant material, powder or pills as well, which turn out to be marihuana, cocaine, heroin, ecstasy, or God knows what. Usually, those analyses are even more urgent, especially if the suspect has already been taken into custody. We have a whole safe full of material to increase our working efficiency – and what do we do? We dope ourselves with clinic food, caffeine, nicotine, chocolate and tons of other sweets and are happy once we get our analyses done just in time (or a tiny little bit later). How incredibly stupid! But, hey, we are capable and willing to learn and to read between the lines. After years and years of subtle hints, we finally got the message. Thanks to the polite and detailed instructions of the clinic administration and the newspaper, everything will change – what exactly took us so long?
Alright, you policemen out there, bring us some good stuff, some of those cute colored little pills or anything, we will share them evenly between all of us, and you’ll get your results before the word “urgent” even crossed your minds or lips. Oh, yeah!
And now will you please excuse me, I have to take a look at our safe.
And what do I read in the last edition of the newspaper Der Spiegel? Two million Germans work under the influence, 800,000 of them even regularly (article in German). And we’re not talking about peanuts like coffee, vitamin pills and cigarettes here. No, no, the real stuff. Antidepressants, prescription medication, illegal drugs and other substances to increase concentration and efficiency. I am shocked.
For years the police has been bringing us blood and serum samples for analysis, many a time attorneys call to say it’s urgent. Every once in a while they bring plant material, powder or pills as well, which turn out to be marihuana, cocaine, heroin, ecstasy, or God knows what. Usually, those analyses are even more urgent, especially if the suspect has already been taken into custody. We have a whole safe full of material to increase our working efficiency – and what do we do? We dope ourselves with clinic food, caffeine, nicotine, chocolate and tons of other sweets and are happy once we get our analyses done just in time (or a tiny little bit later). How incredibly stupid! But, hey, we are capable and willing to learn and to read between the lines. After years and years of subtle hints, we finally got the message. Thanks to the polite and detailed instructions of the clinic administration and the newspaper, everything will change – what exactly took us so long?
Alright, you policemen out there, bring us some good stuff, some of those cute colored little pills or anything, we will share them evenly between all of us, and you’ll get your results before the word “urgent” even crossed your minds or lips. Oh, yeah!
And now will you please excuse me, I have to take a look at our safe.
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